Laugh. Be Sexy. Eat Potatoes.

oomshi:

how about we stop with the negativity & you guys start showing me your negativititties 

dollyfarton:

ineedmasculism:

lundsdotter:

The strongest ‘pound for pound’ muscle is the uterus: it weighs around 2 pounds but during childbirth can exert a downward force of 400 Newtons, which is one hundred times as strong as gravity and equivalent to the power in a fully extended modern longbow. 

I need masculism because I am afraid.

you should be

homosaurus-rex:

homosaurus-rex:

It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.

can we talk about how this is still getting notes

burgrs:

baddogsrus:

burgrs:

if u smash snails on purpose ur a fuckin piece of shit they are tiny cuties trying 2 get somewhere as fast as they can pls help them out 

um excuse me have you ever had a garden because those fuckers will fuck your shit up i mean they totally ruined an entire row of my broccoli plants in one night i am not even fucking around about my broccoli fuck snails 

i’m forever stuck between wanting to discover loads of new music and wanting to listen to the same 4 albums over and over again

deathpup:

shrexything:

babyferaligator:

oomshi:

is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing 

no its called highjacking

guys no it’s weedwhacking

no its called dissapointing ur mother

roughrimjob:

IM ANGRY BECAUSE NO ONE IS KISSING ME RIGHT NOW

growlithed:

i love being naked but i hate how i look naked

maddishly:

my brother asked me if it was weird that he’s more productive at night

ha

ha

ha

if he only knew

oldprickbitches:

Omfg I was sitting in a room with a bunch of my aunts, uncles and cousins and my grandma had this weird smile on her face so I asked her what was up and she just looked at me and said “everyone in this house is alive thanks to my vagina”

bullied:

i like online shopping and putting everything i want in a cart then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

jaclcfrost:

never let anyone tell you anything is only “just for kids” like fuck that shit man

if you want to play on that playground you do that

if you want to dress up and go trick-or-treating you do that

if you want to go to the movies and see monsters university you do that

Ok who do you think monsters university was made for try fucking time these things for mass generational emotional breakdowns

4chanofficial:

i find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes

homleschapel:

summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell

begonece:

me and my friend were talking and-

“you mean my friend and I”

psyducked:

I wish there were necklaces given to us at birth that were half of a unique shape and your soulmate wore the other half and they got warmer the closer together you were and colder the further away you were so you could go on this journey when you’re ready to find your other half so that you could be spared all the pain and heartbreak of being played with by those who don’t take dating as seriously as you do

cloysterbell:

Actually the best twitter account on the entire internet.

mermaidsandmisandry:

“some scientists agree”. what does that mean. some scientists. that could be two  scientists. two scientists agree. two agreeable scientists isnt very credible. do it again. more scientists.

internetexplorers:

rookieanimeartist:

internetexplorers:

[rich white dad voice] golf

what… the fuck

[RICH WHITE DAD VOICE] GOLF

lameborghini:

if u loved me u wouldn’t send me mass snapchats

hitlersbreastmilk:

do not make decisions at 2 am when you are sad

mind:

matter

iloveyoulikekanyeloveskanye:

neverrlaand:

17x22:

you guys remember that cute skater guy that confessed to playing cello in high school musical?

he’s now a convict for armed robbery :-)

 

OMFG

shoulda stuck to the status quo